Ninth+Street+Bridge+by+Bill+Cosby

NINTH STREET BRIDGEmedia type="file" key="06 Old Weird Harold (9th Street Bridge).wma" By Bill Cosby

// Sometimes our imaginations can get out of control. Then a normal situation can turn into something totally different. Find out what happened to Bill Cosby when his imagination was too powerful. // Old Weird Harold and I - Old Weird Harold, we called him that. because he was six feet nine and weighed 50 pounds - we used to go to every horror picture in the world I'm telling you right now, we would go and we would see Frankenstein. We'd walk 100 miles to see Frankenstein. And mind you, we never saw the monster once, never saw him once, 'cause we were too scared to look at him. And we had the best seats in the movie. We used to sit right up front. I mean right up front. That's where you can see everything. You just look right up front there. And we'd say to each other, "You gonna look at the monster this time?" "Yeah, yeah" "Now, don't lie now. If you're gonna look at him, say that. You might as well get right on the floor now, if you're not gonna look at him. You didn't look at him the last time." "Yes, I did" "Don't lie! Look out now!" That's the way we stayed for 11 days, used to come home with 100 black juji-fruits all on our backs. We used to stay over and over trying to get to see the monster. But we couldn't do it, we were too scared. And my mother use to come for us, "Will you come home? Get up off the floor and come home!" You know, and the guys would razz us. "Hey, Cos, your mom came for you again. Ha ha ha!" You shut up!" So my mother says one day, she says, "I'm not comin' for you. That's all. You come home yourself. Walk under the Ninth Street Bridge by yourself in the dark, if you don't know how to come home." "Aw, Mom, you'll come for us."  So, we were watching this one picture. It was a heck of a picture It was one of the greatest. They had Frankenstein, Wolfman, Dracula, the Hunchback, the Mummy - everyone was in it.  And Harold and I stayed on the floor. Our eyes were closed. We never came up one for air. Every time there was somebody on that screen, we didn't want to see. "The Mummy's on there now! We don't want to look. We don't want to look!" And we sat through about 12 showings of the same picture.  "You gonna look this time?"  "No."  "Get up off the floor."  "No, I ain't gettin' up nowhere. He ain't gonna get me." So, finally, during the cartoon, I got up and looked around and I said, "Hey, Harold, there's nothin' here but grown-ups."  And Harold says, "Yeah." 'Cause that's want he always says whenever I'm right. He's my closest friend, you know.  I said, "Ask that man what time it is."  "Hey, Mister! What time is it?"  "It's ten o'clock.” "Oh, Harold. Oh, Harold, we're in trouble. Ten o'clock, yeah. Ten o'clock, that's when the monsters come out and my mom didn't even come for us." "Well, she said she wasn't. “Yeah, but she is supposed to come for us. She isn't supposed to let us walk home at ten o'clock when all the monsters come out and everything." And we walked out of the movie crying. Now, the walk home. Ninth Street Bridge has no lights whatsoever, which is the only way to get home. And we are sick. You talk about two scared kids just walking arm in arm, not even picking our feet up off the ground 'cause we want to be ready, if the monster touches us. We want to be ready to jump straight up to heaven. When you pick one leg up, you take a chance on going sideways. You know. And we got our legs ready, sending our toes out six feet ahead of us like radar. Too-doodle-poo-doo, too-doodle-poo-doo, kids coming, too-doodle-poo-doo, kids coming. And I'm telling you, really scared, ready to go any second. And I bumped into Harold- Bump! I said, "Harold, did I bump into you?" Harold said, "No." I said, "Don't lie to be now, Harold. If I bumped into you, say that I bumped into you. Even if I didn't bump into you, say that I bumped into you. Because if I didn't, we're gonna get eaten alive. You know that, don't you?" Harold says, "Well, you bumped into me." I said, "Okay. Don't lie anymore." Now, I don't know the name of the wino that came out of the alley that emptied onto the Ninth Street Bridge. I don't even care what the guy's name is, man. All I know is, he was wrong That's all I can say. He was puredee wrong. You just don't walk out of an alley that empties onto Ninth Street Bridge without making some sort of an announcement, warning to little kids. "Look out, little kids coming home for the Astor movie after seeing a whole lot of horror monsters. This is nobody that can hurt you. It's just an old wino." And he came out. B-b-b-l-l-aa-am-m!!! Now, I'm sure after filling out the accident report on this man, that the doctor said, "What happened?" "I don't know. It was just four feet ran right up my chest, danced on my head for a half hour, and then ran straight down my back, doctor." "But did they say anything?" "Yes, they said, "Aa-a-a-hh-h!!!!!!!!" "Did you see them at all?"  "Yes, it was a little kid on top of a tall, skinny one, and he was beating him with a stick, saying, "Faster, faster, you fool, you fool!"